


Four Things Turanga Leela Never Had To Put Up With, And One She Did (Guess)

by musicforswimming



Category: Futurama
Genre: 5 Things, Airtight Jars, Also Zoidberg, F/F, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Good News Everyone!, Het, M/M, Male Slash, Multi, Robosexuals, Robots, Stealth Crossover, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-24
Updated: 2008-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-02 12:52:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicforswimming/pseuds/musicforswimming
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A selection of the Planet Express Crew's romantic misadventures.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Things Turanga Leela Never Had To Put Up With, And One She Did (Guess)

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a stocking stuffer for Yuletide 2008, for tawg.

The delivery could've gone better. They'd have to come back with a lawyer for the case of _People of the Planet BM Judaica IX v. Jon Zoidberg_, and now, back on the ship, Fry was standing on the break room table. "I don't care that we were on the Planet Of Gay Spores That Make Everyone Go Weird And Gay!" Fry shouted, stomping on the table for emphasis. "I love Bender!"

"Fry," Leela pointed out, "first of all, they prefer Bryn Mawr, second of all, they're not a planet, they're a star cluster, third of all, the Bryn Mawr Fungus only affects women, and fourth of all, you just ruined the dip."

"La la la," Fry shouted, putting one hand over an ear. He sat down and, with his free hand, went about scraping the dip off of his shoe with chips. "La la la, I love Bender, la la la!"  
   
   
   
   
The next time they had to make a delivery to Basestar III, Leela decided, Amy was going to be the one dating a robot. If it weren't for her honor as a package delivery woman, she would've just said the minimum wage for the job wasn't worth it and let the Cylon-Human Hybrids go to the post office like everyone else.

The whole kissing thing was cold, uncomfortable, and complicated, although admittedly that wasn't all that different from the other guys Leela had kissed in her life. Bender, naturally, saw no problem with it, on the grounds that his last human girlfriend had been completely satisfied, and then he made a comment that she guessed was a robot innuendo. "Bender," Leela pointed out, "your last human girlfriend was Lucy Liu. You never had to kiss her, just her jar."

"So? Put a jar over your head. I'll even help you pick it out. You humans like 'em airtight, right?"

"No, we don't!"

"No, I'm pretty sure you do. Wait, maybe that's bugs."

"Bugs don't like them either, Bender."  
   
   
   
   
The first thing Cubert did after graduation was to retrieve his cap. He wasn't letting some other idiot pick it up. What if they cloned him again from the skin cells in there? Luckily he'd managed to track its path, and he placed it back on his head with satisfaction that was only increased by watching his moron classmates just grab caps at random.

The second thing he did, of course, was to kiss Dwight.

"Thank god!" Hermes yelled. "We'll get to keep the business! I mean -- " he coughed. "The children have found love!"

"The hell with love, Hermes," Dad shouted back. "I was going to make them get married anyway. Who else is going to take Planet Express over, that idiot of Fry and Leela's?"

"Hey!" said Yancy.  
   
   
   
   
"Oh, I say," cried Hedonism Bot, gliding through the doors with more noise than usual -- probably due to the fact that today his trumpeters were wearing bells -- "dear Hubert, instruct your crew to deliver this to Bakery VII, and bring back some of their delightful tartlets besides?"

"All right, this has gone far enough," Leela said, as Fry and Bender groaned. Seizing the Professor, she pulled him away from the lounge and into the kitchen. "Professor, this is the third grape we've delivered this week."

"Is he gonna make us peel this one, too?" Fry asked. "It makes me so hungry."

"I'll peel him," Bender muttered.

"Nobody's peeling anyone or anything, because we're not doing it. This charade has gone far enough, Professor; we don't need his money that badly."

"We don't?" The professor asked, blinking. "Well, then, good news, everyone! I'm in love! And you're all going to make that delivery for free. Now shut up and get in the ship."

"Screw this," Bender said, once they were in the ship. "Let's get some hookers and hooker-bots and go to Vegas."

"Hooray!" Fry said before he ate the grape.  
   
   
   
   
"...and I can go back to school and get my Library Sciences degree, and we can adopt some extra-cute orphans, and then..."

Leela sighed, and nodded along as Amy continued to chatter at her throughout the ride. They were _never_ going back to the Bryn Mawr Cluster.


End file.
